Sunday, October 11, 2015

FEAR- Worst Day Ever

You know, so much happens every day when you are a principal. Sometimes kids are late, and you are dealing with tardies. Sometimes kids misbehave, and you are dealing with punishment. Sometimes parents are complaining, and you are consoling. So many different things, but sometimes things happen that you are not ready for. That is what happened to me. Tuesday I was watching the cameras trying to find out why some crazy stuff was happening. Little things were going on and I wanted to stop it before it become a big thing. So there I was watching video for a while. So much to look at haha. When suddenly my secretary called me on the radio and told me a local policeman was on the phone. I answered, and my worst nightmare had come true. A local person had made a threat against "the school". Immediately I realized we needed to go into lockdown. Now, I know we have all practiced lockdown, but the thought that this was a real threat was unimaginable. I immediately began lockdown procedures, but it was so unreal. I kind of went into a zone that took me away from the fear and just had reaction. My doors were locked, my classrooms were locked, my personnel were placed in strategic placement, and local police were arriving. What a surreal experience! This lockdown lasted over two hours. Man was I happy when we got the call that the lockdown was over. 
Several things happened that we learned to deal with. Some of those things included lunch, PE, and students outside. 
I'm writing this post to help deal with it. It's amazing the zone I went into and I wasn't even scared during it. My teachers were wonderful and kept the students calm and safe. Extra teachers (those without a class) were so very helpful. I know how blessed I am!!! 
However, when I finally got home that evening and my children and husband were home I realized the crisis of the day. I won't lie, I cried: a lot. Many parents called, texted, or sent messages to thank me, and it hit me hard. We have so many students, and I am responsible for everyone of them. Man, that's huge! Each of my student are so special to me. There are the ones that bring me baked goodies, the ones that talk to me about my Ole Miss Rebels, the ones the rag me because they are not Rebels, the ones that I have known since 2nd grade, and the ones that are best friends with my son. Each and every student in my school is so very special to me. What if I had not kept them safe? What if that crazy man had acted on his threat? That's what hit me the hardest. The "what ifs" make it hard to sleep at night. The "what ifs" make it hard to get up in the morning. My sweet husband said not to worry about it and know I did all I can. But dang. Was that enough? I don't know. All I know is that we are looking at some other security measures to keep my 363 students safe. I will find the money and buy what's necessary. But now I have to deal with this feeling. This crazy feeling of not being safe. I'm still a nervous wreck.Every time my kids go outside to break or to the gym I want to scoop them up under my wing and not let them go. Is that crazy? I have to really work at letting them go. But I'm working on it. Each day is getting a little easier. 
I will continue going in and working to educate and protect those sweet babies. Do they know the world is a crazy, scary place? I hope not. I hope we did our job in helping them to feel secure. I know each and every day I will work to make sure they feel that way. I will work each and every day to make sure the "Worst Day Ever" was only for me. I saw this sign. FEAR- Fear Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. I choose the second option. I choose to rise above this crazy day, learn from it, and be better for it.