Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day without Mom

Today was probably one of the hardest days I have ever had- if not the hardest. It was even harder than the day my mom died. I think I was so busy taking care of things I just didn't think about the things that would come later. Things such as the first Mother's Day without her. Because Mom died so close to Christmas I was still so numb that I just kind of went through the day without really feeling anything. Her birthday was in February and again just went through the day. 
But this week has been rough. I have dreaded today all week. It started when I was at a store and saw some pink flowers in a pink basket. I automatically said, "I want to get those for Mom for Mother's Day." Then I remembered. See, I have always gotten Mom hanging baskets for Mother's Day. But this year is different. I have teared up a few times but just tried to ignore it and move on. This morning though it hit me. Mother's Day without my mom. It even sounds painful. I looked through several pics just to see her smile. As tears fell I took some time to remember her and her love for me. Her pride in her voice when she spoke of my siblings and me. The love that shone in her eyes on the day I got married. The tears that fell the days I had my sons. Those days were as precious to her as they were to me. 
When my boys got up and hugged me, wishing me Happy Mother's Day, I tried to get myself together. Then they gave me their gift. It was a beautiful bracelet with all our birthstones in it. I completely lost it. I cried like a baby. I hugged them so tight hoping to give them the love that I felt. Maybe they will realize how much I love them and how much they mean to me. I hope I can be the kind of mom to them that I had. Being a teenager they probably do not realize it now. But maybe when they are older they will. 
You know what? I got those hanging baskets anyway. I took them to my dad and gave them to him. He now has them hanging in the same place Mom would. It felt good to stay with tradition for both of us. 
If you still have your mom I hope you called her, visited, or even better -hugged her tight. You need it as much as she does. Make sure she knows how much you love her now. Honor her while you still can. Unfortunately, there will come that day for everyone: Mother's Day without mom. 

1 comment:

  1. Monica, what a brave and open post. I am certain your Mom is with you in spirit (I believe our loved ones never really leave us). I think the hanging baskets gesture is a loving symbol for this day.